The Boy Whom The World Couldn't Stop

2008-02-14T17:01:00.001+08:00

I was so tempted to abandon you.

So I finally plucked up my courage to do it.

From now on, try finding me.

and

JANE CHIA, you cannot say I blog about you already.
HAHAHA

*zwangggg*

2008-02-04T02:35:00.000+08:00

the feeling that I am holding back on isn't really anything
on you. I need to search that out on my own.

But we'll see how everything goes okays =)

Benji

2008-02-01T22:53:00.000+08:00

Just a video of Youtube which its funny.

And I so cannot wait for PLAY tomorrow. =)

And to the ah boy, I don't like people not replying
to sms-es. Hmpf.

Benji

2008-02-01T06:36:00.001+08:00

This is the answer to the missing faces on CY's blog.
Well, I said that I'll flame you. So I decided to blog bitch
and flame the both of you instead.

You never know how many people will be thanking me for
this but well, infamous is your middle name.

Well what? What did you expect?

Benji

2008-01-19T12:51:00.001+08:00

I officially hate good looking people.
hmpf

*pouts*

Benji

2008-01-18T00:00:00.000+08:00

Out of everything that has happened today or in the past,
I have to deem today the most disappointing day.

Out of all the things that had once made me feel small, alone
and trashed. This is the worst.

But I know and they know I am the best there is so far.
And since I have chose to leave, I like stick to my decision
and no amount of "piti-ness", "talking to her" or
"must come back okays" will ever ever ever change my
mind.

For I am disappointed. And I condemn all. Cause if you take
6 working days in my position, you'll be begging for out.

F.C , J.O , A.S , C.YH and your boss T.V.
We all know. I'm the best there is. If MDH can't have me,
no one will.

Benji

2008-01-14T14:19:00.000+08:00

Now that I am back from Hong Kong, I wished I never returned.

Sighs. I still do not like school and there are so many things waiting
to eat me back here in Singapore.

Sighs. Where are you. Where are you.

Benji

2008-01-04T13:39:00.000+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

heh, apologizes for not updating and all. I just got back
from Hongkong with the peeps and gosh, I enjoyed and
laughed like never before.

"hen mei you xing xiang wor"

I'll be uploading some photos and videos so enjoy. The
weather was all zhoukly and the cold was worst so far
during winter in hongkong. The lowest so far in record
for hongkong. 7 degrees!

CX 710 departing Singapore at 8.05am!

And almost every night, we had steamboat at this place
in the freezing cold!
Imagine: Cold + Hot Steamboat + Ciggies + Beer.

Sabrina! Hen mei you xing xiang WOR!

The cam whores. What do you expect with 2 girls and a gay guy.
=)

Kenndra's speedy and Sabrina's unglams.

And the shopping starts!

Stuns at Lady's Market!

And off to DisneyLand HongKong!

Then night came and Disneyland became something else =)

And the lighting up of Cinderella's Castle! >.<

Hah, there you have it. Disneyland's Fireworks Special will be on youtube below.
The rest of the pictures are with BFF so when she's done with them, I'll get her to
send them to me. And if you wanna see more photos besides these, they're on facebook =)

Benji

2007-12-18T00:00:00.000+08:00

Trevvy's REVV-it-up Party is just the male

version of Victoria's Secrets.

*drools*

Benji

2007-12-17T00:06:00.000+08:00

when you walk away, I count the steps that you take.

I hate keeping things all to myself. But I don't have a choice.
Cause I'm not used to pouring out Pandora's sorrows.

Benji

2007-12-10T11:08:00.000+08:00

Save the cheerleader, Save the world.

Benji

2007-12-05T00:52:00.000+08:00

And as we were walking down vivo,

rambling about our past troubles, it hit me that

you're all born beautiful; but

its just that we're more beautiful than you.

so, you know who, lets put your thoughts aside and enjoy
the moment now. For it will not return.

Benji

kiss my ass bitch.

2007-11-30T13:37:00.000+08:00

With love and in memory,

I pray not for a lighter load, but a stronger back to carry a heavier load.

Benji

2007-11-27T23:52:00.000+08:00

not now.

just not now.

Benji

2007-11-25T15:58:00.000+08:00

I missed Disney.

Thank god I'll be visiting all of them after Christmas
in Hongkong!

Benji

2007-11-22T23:42:00.000+08:00

where's all my soul sisters,

lemme hear ya flow sisters.

Benji

2007-11-18T17:11:00.000+08:00

I feel like a damn fool. Why bother taking about things
when you have already pictured the outcome. When
you just want the resolution to be what you perceive.

Then in this case, you just fucking hurt me more and
change my impression of you worst.

Then why bother starting it in the first place.

Stop being influenced by some bitch and grow some balls.
And stand up for yourself and not some fucking pastor or
priest.

Benji

2007-11-17T13:44:00.000+08:00

Blog post deleted because of some whiny flirt.

2007-11-15T10:58:00.000+08:00

And that things has come to be. Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend. I saw the end before we begun.

So I took the longer way home and started pondering
about the things that has been happening all around.

With empty taxis driving pass me desperately looking
for just that one soul that they could pickup. What if
life would be just that 1 empty taxi driving around finding
for the 1 right soul.

I know your fears, but you don't know mine. Goodbye
my lover, goodbye my friend. You have been the one.

If within the next 5 minutes could change your life
forever, would you take the risk.
For the benefit of life, why are all my tarot readings the
same.

So I took a walk. And it took my soul out into the night.
Goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend.
Cause each time I try to draw you near, you pull away
in fear. Your lies have fallen through your shield and come
to light.

Goodbye my lover, Goodbye my friend.

Benji

2007-11-11T23:54:00.000+08:00

Don't give up
It's just the weight of the world.
When your heart's heavy.
I will lift it up for you.

Don't give up
Because you want to be heard.
If silence keeps you.
I will break it for you.

Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved.
Don't give up
Cause you are loved.

Don't give up
Its just the hurt that you hide inside.
When you're lost inside
I will be there to find you.

Benji

2007-11-10T13:27:00.000+08:00

Well I heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
Well it goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall and the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

Well your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you
she tied you to her kitchen chair
And she broke your throne and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

Well, baby I've been here before
I know this room and I've walked this floor
I used to love alone before I knew ya
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
Love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

Well maybe there's a God above
But all I've ever learned from love
Was how to shoot somebody who'd OUT DREW YA
And its not a cry that you hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and its a broken Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

find me a way back to my life.

Benji

2007-11-09T16:16:00.001+08:00

Now, lets draw the line.

Benji

2007-11-08T16:46:00.000+08:00

Lush and High Maintenance.

Really?

Benji

2007-11-05T22:05:00.000+08:00

I think I am weak. Too weak.

And I chose not to get influenced.

Benji

2007-11-04T22:16:00.001+08:00

The past week at school was boring. The holidays have
moved it and so has work.

Things have been taking their cause in action and
sometimes, I just hope everything would be okay.

Its times like these where I wish I could run away from
the world, and settle at a quiet, peaceful place. Just enjoying
the night breeze over looking the river.

A serious Thank you for it. And good luck.

Benji

2007-11-01T11:07:00.000+08:00

"If I lay here. If I just lay here, would you lie with me and
just forget the world.

I don't quite know. How to say, how I feel.

Those 3 words are said too much, but not enough.

If I lay here. If I just lay here, would you lie with me and
just forget the world.

Forget what we're told. Before we get too old, show me
a garden thats bursting into life.

Lets waste time, chasing cars, around our heads. I need
your grace, to read my needs, to find my own."

Benji

2007-10-30T23:27:00.000+08:00

I need to spend more time with mummy and daddy.
But mummy always give me this guai lan face I feel
like slapping her.

aye. I need a new aim in life. I need muses to help
inspire me. I can't keep roaming around like lost sheeps
anymore.

But for now, I guess I'll drown myself in work.

Intoxicated.

Benji

2007-10-29T13:36:00.000+08:00

After a week of schooling and chalets, it has finally voiced
down to rest. Happy Birthday to my big sister Gary Sim Wei Ling.
=) you're one year older.

Now, after everything you have heard from the closest hommies
you have around you, listen to them and make your decision from
there alright. We're always been there for you, when you needed
a ear, or for advices. You always have the hommies. =)

And now Gary's birthday's over and Michael's next. Chalets flood
my calender for 2 weeks straight and I need to rest =(

And to people out there you are trying to climb the social ladder,
by all means, take my queue.

"By all means, please do."

I'm done and finished with people trying to me for granted already.
With people's attitude stinking worst then my mother's shit.
And when people trying to boot lick other people's shit.

Cause this has come out at the right timing after two sisters decided to call it quits.
Cause one's attitude was in tolerated by the
rest of the people surrounding him.
And the other was tolerating shit for far too long.

And to the other that wants to climb up the social ladder, please do.
If that makes you feel any better, you have officially overstepped me.
Congrats to that.

Now, I just want to concentrate on my hommies and work. Cause I
know, they need me more than others do.

And after all that talk about hating my mum and dad in the past when
I was young, everything has changed. Cause now,

I love my mum and my dad.

Benji

2007-10-19T14:08:00.000+08:00

The days are still counting down to Gary's birthday celebrationg
bitching about Honeybunch and all. But whatever it is, next week's
halloween!

Skip school on monday? heh, i need advisors. =)

Benji

2007-10-15T22:44:00.000+08:00

I was so bored in class I decided to go through Style.com men again and
OMG, Spring 2008 collection is OUT

*ding ding*

My favorites from Roberto Cavalli's collection. Something simple
yet outstanding.

and yes, not forgetting Calvin Klein,

This is damn matrix la. haha. It's nice on the whole to look at by
who wears that in spring? hmmm.

Dolce & Gabanna's not bad but nothing really catches my eye.

Anyways, the DAYS ARE COUNTING!

11 more days to XiaoGary's birthday celebration.
12 more days to Fabulous Sunday Helloween party.
12 more days to Nanny's birthday.
70 more days to Christmas.
74 more days to HongKong!

Benji

2007-10-14T21:46:00.000+08:00

This is a request from JEREMY AKA LEGEND.

we role play!

YOU ASK HIM! YOU ASK HIM!
sorry Caden. haha.

Wells, Hongkong is a confirmed trip departing on the 29th December
till the 2nd January with Kenndra and peeps!

That means,

NO ST. JAMES PARTY ON NEW YEAR!
boo boo boo. =(

But wells, I'll still be here for Christmas! So St. James is still on. =)

I'll fly to hongkong looking for Karl Lagerfeld!

Benji

2007-10-11T16:23:00.000+08:00

AHHHH,

FAT is the new THIN!

WOAH! what an angle. Talk about the new feature on the blog;
copyright.

Thanks to "you" whom allowed me to take this from your blog and
post it up here. Hmmm, is there a leak in the group?

I'd guess we all wish to know. =)

Party Plan coming up.

It's gonna be GARY'S BIRTHDAY!

Details will be posted up soon. Come back for info. =)

Benji

2007-10-08T22:14:00.000+08:00

*click click click*

*screams*

HONEYBUNCH.

shivers,

gross.

This is for replies to JTC.

Wannie - er, what a name. pennie? Its not a matter of what you think. Who gives a damn
about what you think. It's able what I think and the people around me think.

Andon - No internet identity. LETS PLAY IDENTITY! Whose the fuck face you see
standing there who cries and whines like NS is the end of the world? o0o0o0o0..
Honey, not only are you a fuck face, you're blind too. I have one head, one personality,
and there's only one ME.

Apparently NS has gotten yr little scrum brain damaged has it?

"poking into matters that doesn't affect him DIRECTLY"

ARE YOU EDUCATED? Doesn't affect me DIRECTLY still affects me INDIRECTLY
right?

siow eh.

Don't know how to write, type or bitch then don't laaaa, throw fuck face only.
But I am not affected.

Then like that HOW? Try making me affected.
Bring it on.

Cause it's not my fault that I'm poking in. JTC (just talk cock) makes their
problem so KNOWN it becomes part of other people's problem. And since,
you love attention so much and love to brag about the LOVE you all share,
I'll share my love with JTC.

The ugliest underneath. The mess the group themselves have created. The
inter-link relationships they have.

Honey, keep your love in bed and put cement on your face. Cause I'm in
desperate need of Chanel now.

Benji

2007-10-07T11:34:00.001+08:00

MY, and there you have it.

Faghags of JTC. Bitches without Brains some of us might call them.
Also known as the CLIQUES, Honeybunch has evolved into something
so ever gross, they need to remove the plastic-ness within their group.

1. 7months = jiejie?
No, don't come walking to the circle going "the cliques!" cause honey,
we don't care about the cliques nor your fetish on kissing gay boys Jane.
Gosh, you're growing fatter, when you fell into the ocean, the whales
had to sing, "We are a family, like a giant tree...".

2. I'll say it in your face.
Nicole honey, piss off. I'll say it in your face. Bitch, you're so ugly,
you make Jane Chia look pretty in the group. Now, why do that for
another whore?

3. So , instead of hiding behind the safe haven of a pseudo internet identity.
How about instead of preaching how "close" you all are, lets talk about the
relationship identities the group has shall we? Instead of asking Jane to be
so plastic wanna-be, acting all noble infront of Max, and then behind them
bitch to Andy about him, saying that Max will be unfaithful? There's no
internet identity. My name is Benji. Remember it, I dare to say.

4. I can't help it if 20 people just to happen to have met one another.
Gosh, girl, you're so whiny. Now look. I can't help it if 20 people just happen
to have met one another and became the living nightmare of others. So, go
shoot yourself for the benefit of the world.

5. Cause the internet is free for all.
Yes yes, this topic. Cause its free for all, I say what I want to say. Therefore,
my friend, if you think you're "in" with the cliques, I think you need help.

6. Remember, the clique isn't here to magnify our status.
Winston, what status?
And one more thing Winsty, don't worry, if your boyfriend doesn't wanna
believe that you sleep around outside. WE BELIEVE YOU.

And there you go, I got this off someone's blog. I can't possibly understand
how someone can painstaking take the time to do all these shit. But then, for
him/her, we have to say a big THANK YOU.

(Click to enlarger and view for pleasure)

And Jane, I'll say it now. Yes, I don't like you. And I dare to say
it. There are many others too, but that's their problem. So stop going
up to people saying "If you don't like me then just tell me, don't have
to be fake or plastic." Girl, you know we don't like you, so stop seeking
attention from us, the only attention you're gonna get, is up to us to give.

DRAMA.

Once again, My name is Benji. Remember it bitch. Cause I dare to say.
Ask around.

Benji

2007-10-06T15:41:00.000+08:00

Kumar the Queen was awesome. HAHHA,

and all of you who didn't go,

you're assholes.
hahaha,

Benji

2007-10-05T15:40:00.000+08:00

Now you all, drool!

Benji

2007-09-29T10:50:00.000+08:00

I got sick. Again when my parents are not in Singapore.
I can just imagine when I move to Brisbane in the future
to study and I'll be sick everyday. Aye.

Chanel's flying back to Perth on Monday morning already.
Just being back in Singapore for a week and I only
managed to spend a day with her here in Singapore for
lunch and a walk along Orchard Road.

The best part as I was telling a friend that our Chanel Girl
came back to Singapore just in time for Tycoon's birthday.
lol.

I did some shopping after falling sick and gawk it felt so
great. HAHA, I wanna watch movie! I can't wait for
October 5 and maybe next up would be Beauty World. =)

Benji

2007-09-25T23:37:00.000+08:00

AND awayyy they went and my best friend visited me
more than anyone else. My best friend's name is called
MAHJONG.

Everyone LETS MAHJONG.

woots.

Benji

2007-09-22T00:28:00.000+08:00

Before coming to the part where my parents fly off for a month,
lets just take time to watch this "already-posted-up-on-youtube-
video-damn-long-time-ago" video.

Ya Ya, whine all you want about how gross this is and oh Benji
this video's so old, you should send it to Singapore's funniest home
video or something.

Come on, the lady is just having her own time with her nose and
fingers, its not wrong, cause we do it too it the comfort of our own
home. So Jeremy, this video was placed in memory of you watching
that uncle dig his nose at the bus stop outside heeren. =)

Now, after my parents fly away, we're having MAHJONG.

I SO CANNOT WAIT.

and I just wished that all china-ma-mas should just die. bitch.

Benji

2007-09-09T00:13:00.000+08:00

Club Club Club.

The History's in the making. aye.

Anyways, here's a picture of Andy.

Benji

2007-08-27T20:58:00.000+08:00

Love me or hate me.

St.James rawks big time.
Next week.
Fabulous REMIXED
=)

Cindy's birthday at St.James too.
woohoo.

Benji

2007-08-23T10:52:00.001+08:00

On leave today from work.
Aye,
Tired.
I wanna club =)
Kukupok.

I'm going out later. Yay.
La Queen.
I'm going RE.
I'm going Fareast.

St.James on Sunday.=)

Benji

2007-08-19T15:38:00.000+08:00

ST JAMES ST JAMES!

work tomorrow work tomorrow.

sighs.

Benji

2007-08-14T14:04:00.002+08:00

OKAYS I'm back! heh. Sorry for not blogging so long.
No wait. You read my blog. So I should say SORRY. heh.

Life has been okays so far. Except school cause its such a
bore. I walked for the longest time ever yesterday from
Parkway all the way through East Coast Park to Jumbo
Seafood to find someone.

HAHA, I should get an award. And I hope I did. =)
Cause now, you're my wonder wall.

KL! I want to go. If not Janet's gonna kill him for heels.
heh.

Benji

2007-07-30T14:46:00.000+08:00

I don't know why these days I let my feelings take over me,
controlling everything I do. Now after everything is over, I
want to feel free. I want to let the emotions in me rest.
And thanks to the sleepless nights. I flew myself to St. James
for Surf Surf Revolution yesterday.

And I did what I wanted. Let myself free. George Leong's
genre of music took my feelings and myself away. And I
felt like I didn't want the night to end already. Its been 2
months since I've even club.

Then I let myself go wasted yesterday cause I wanted to.
Finally, I felt satisfied again. heh.

And this is Aly again after we cammed. heh

Benji

2007-07-28T11:23:00.000+08:00

I had a bad day at school yesterday. I want to thank Calli for
asking me out yesterday and that sure brighten my day loads
sitting at Spinelli's watching *****.
(its 5 letters, and its a name). heh.

I got home and I felt so lethargic. Aly popped online and as
promised to my pretty girl, we cammed whore like fuck for
2 over hours on msn and skype. We were talking via Video
call for 2 over hours till 2plus in the morning. heh.

And that really made my day worth everything. I missed my
pretty girl.

The girl even had to make her hair just talking to me on web cam.
HAHA, the number of times the 2 of us kept commenting that we
look super fugly without hair and makeup done.

AND we had our little SHOW & TELL session online! HEH
That girl even waved her Balenciaga bag at me and I threw her
my Gucci. =)

WTF i look like a nun laa.

I loved aly's last picture. HAHAHAHA

Benji

2007-07-27T12:22:00.000+08:00

I've been busy.

I feel so disorientated cause of the things
that has been going on around me.

I feel to enjoy myself but how?

Should I attempt to club at St.James on
Sunday again?

Benji

2007-07-18T09:58:00.000+08:00

I'm not really in the mood to talk much. After all, I wasted
my time on my projects just to get hounded by a girl.
I took a puff yesterday on my window porch at 3+ in the
morning after trying to complete my project, and after
everything happened.

I cried. I fucking cried. After all that has happened around
me and to me, with troubled thoughts that kept running
through my mind, I dare not talk to anyone about it anymore.
I want to quit school, and leave to a faraway place.

With "run" by snow patrol on my itunes, the quietness of
the night really proves how lonely I am. Everyone's peacefully
asleep. The silent cold night wind blew and my tears fell just
like heavy droplets from the heart.

The people around me, some cloaked with jealousy just out
there ready to strike me down when I am weakest. If you're
not insincere, please stop benji-ing me around. It doesn't help
cause I'm not the one bring you to what you want to become off.
Just ditch me and ditch your conquest. Cause I know you used
my name in vain yet again.

Benji

2007-07-16T21:44:00.000+08:00

I feel like shit. Like that's supposed to make me feel
any better not replying my sms-es.
Thank you.

I had the song "I'll be" by the GooGoo Dolls playing on my ipod the whole
way home. I feel like shit. I feel like shit.
Benji = shit.

The lyrics still runs line to line in my mind.
aye.

Shit to you Benji.

Benji

2007-07-13T01:13:00.001+08:00

At this point of time, I want to know no more.

For I know too much. It's hurting.

Benji

2007-07-11T00:28:00.000+08:00

I was in a cab on the way home today and I had this
little chat with the driver about Singapore's living
standard versus Singapore's earning standard. And I've
never realized that I could learn so much from the
old man. Money isn't going around well enough for
some people. But well, I've more moody matters
to attend before I kill myself with thoughts rushing
through my mind like a bullet train.

I feel lost. Lost at words, lost at the things that I am
doing. Nobody said it was easy, no one said it will be
this hard either.

I was just guessing at thoughts and messages, pulling
the puzzles part. The feeling of running in circles and
chasing tails, past hauntings coming back to the start,
a rush to get out of a situation but you can't, cause
you're feeling a thousand aunties carrying gucci and
prada throwing invisible daggers at you, piercing hard
with each strike. Getting no where trying to breathe
again cause you can't run.

"Questions of science,
Science and progress,
Do not speak as loud as my heart"

For everything that is real, it will be too late.
I'll be going back to the start. Cause nobody said it was easy,
no one said it will be
this hard either.

Benji

2007-07-09T11:24:00.000+08:00

I have always dream of a faraway place. Where crowds
will cheer with a warming welcome for in a hero's place.
In a thousand years, it will be worth the wait cause I
want my journey to be the king. The king of myself and
my dreams.

But

My star isn't the shiny diamond it used to be. Dirtied
with the ugliness from within with the addition of bad
blood and rich evil. I should just rot and die within the
burning flares of the sun.

Everyday is an uphill climb. I feel tired and exhausted as
days go by with each step and breath I take. Steeper with
life's obstacles just in front of me. But for every minute of
this life I am breathing, until there's nothing in this
world I can believe in, as long as there's a single part of you
that means me.

I'll continue climbing. I will go the distance. Climbing just
hoping that my hero's welcome will be waiting in your arms.

Benji

2007-07-08T16:59:00.001+08:00

Benji is moody.
Aye,

Benji

2007-07-05T21:06:00.000+08:00

My mood's all messed up. I feel so messed up. Everything
that I have done for, means so little. So little in a way it
made me realize how much I hate you. I hate you.
My heart's sinking and my tears falling. There's no point
in explaining anything. You're not worth my precious time.

I want to sit alone and stare at the sky, counting the stars
while drowning booze and taking my ciggies. I hate everything
that is going around me. Sometimes, I just sit and wonder
what the fuck am I doing. Sit and think to myself who am
I? Cause the time has come when I look at myself in the
mirror but the only thing that is wrong, is that the reflection in
it isn't me.

No one else will know these lonely dreams, no one else will
know that part of me. I'll sit alone forever to wait for the right
time. Then I'll prolly disappear into the night's fading light.
shit you emo benji.

Benji

2007-06-30T22:31:00.000+08:00

I woke up today with this sharp pain at my top left side jaw.
I was so difficult to eat or even do anything and so I got
really cranky. Somethings happened in the morning which
got me really disappointed. Shan't elaborate further cause
I don't want to. I was out with Elder today and although we
were almost bored to death, we talked about alot of things.

Things that were around us. Things that form and change
people. Things that could cause a person's downfall and rise
another. Things that weren't even their business but they
want to bother. Gawd, when will they actually wake up
to see that people are all the same, and they only get judge
by what they do and that personality reflects name.

Everybody talks bad about somebody else, never realizing
how it affects somebody else. And you bet it won't be forgotten
but envy is the only thing it could be.

The beginning of the disappearing act has started.

Benji

2007-06-28T22:40:00.000+08:00

Sitting with a friend on the 26th floor rooftop could have
never been even more emotional. With 23 playing on my
Ipod, I've been thinking yet again. I feel intoxicated. Looking
into the night's sky, pondering whats going to happen
to me if I were to carry on my life the way it seems.
No it isn't looking very bright at the moment.

Life is going to catch up with me and bang me on the
head saying "you're out". The cool night's breeze caressed
my cheeks and I sat there, feeling so alone. so alone.
It felt great. I wanted to cry. I don't know why.
Life has been too rough now I don't see the good things
in it anymore.

With so many things happening around me, we never stop
to see how much people put in just to get into one's good side
even to the extreme of killing one another. We've been
blinded by the lust and greeds of what we want till we don't
bother who friends are or are not anymore. I want to be free.
I want to be free. Before everything catches up with me
and I'll loose my breath before everything goes blank.

I wanna walk the beaches at night with my elder just
talking about everything under the sky and shouting out
loud just to get everything out of my mind.

Benji

2007-06-27T12:45:00.000+08:00

Interviews and Auditions for new position as QUEEN and
Sister. Come to impress for there is a VACANCY for a new
QUEEN to reign.

It's time for the old to step down and a new QUEEN to
reign.

New QUEEN new Sister. Come for interview on friday
at Cineleisure.

Benji

2007-06-25T13:13:00.000+08:00

Sunday could have never been even more fun. Well at least
it's better than the usual intoxication with political fighting
with me trying to raise above the rest just grasping for
fresh air. With the people at Sentosa; it was fun.

Wells, at least its something for a change which I felt was
something better to do. Tan-ing, and just chilling in the waters
and of course the next time at del ma. Not forgetting the
closed door conventions I had with a few of them just talking
about the problems and my feelings about the people around
me.

Plannings for next week in already in the process. Away from
the toxic air which I need to clear myself from. The tiredness
and frail self trying to stand up.

Talking about everything under then sun and also looking at
everything under the sun. *smiles*
Sentosa; the island of eye feasting. Esp with mingyang around.
I should change my perception of mingyang. ha.

Benji

2007-06-18T10:09:00.000+08:00

Play could not be described on Saturday. The crowd was great,
the people were great, everything about it was awesome.
And there was this bitch faghag that was frenching all the
gays around her. EEewwwww.

Kor was there. Wallace and friend. Diva's birthday. Loads of
booty popping from destination calabria. lols,
From sweets dreams are made of these to fashionista.
Everything was perfect.

Benji

2007-06-13T23:20:00.000+08:00

Aye, I hate Flash *pouts*

After doing fyp for the afternoon, I decided to get my
ass out of the house with my mum and went trained
down to PS. Mother bought me a pair of jeans that's
gorgeous! And I got myself into the special invite listings
of FOX clothes. YAY! That means that I'll be able to
get new clothes before they're on the shelves.

I haven been cleaning my room lately since my eye for
bumped with infection and fyp-ing staring at my laptop.
I'll let the peektures do the talking for my room.

messyy room! grahhh.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
and then, there was!

*beams* HAHAHA.

I'm happy now.
Back to fyp. chao.

Benji

2007-06-12T12:50:00.000+08:00

Fashionista, Never Again, Since you been gone,
you + your hand and Same script different cast.

I miss chilling out with my people with music
in the faded background.
With the least of my worries at the back of my
head, I know it will be kind of difficult. But who
care, I need a well deserved break. =)

Play on Saturday. Happy Birthday Diva in advance
=)

Benji

2007-06-10T09:35:00.000+08:00

So after hours and hours of watching Janice Dickinsons
on Youtube. I finally got bored and I was feeling bitchy
the way she has been.
I swear, Janice Dickinsons Modeling Agency is a natural
gay show. Everything about her is so gay. lol.

I've been walking the streets of Orchard Road the past
2 days feeling rather different. I've managed to come
to be myself removing the plastic covering on the outside.
Away from that wretched building and away from that
life everyone wants to have and wants to be in.

Fact stated and fact made, once in everyone's life, they
want to be in the limelight. But whether is it sustainable
or not, is totally a different story. I've managed to see that
relationships are nothing but a mere status of caring
for one another in a domestic partnership.

Having being in a failure relationship which took me for a
hell of an emotional roller coaster which totally changed
me, having realized it now from the people that are closest
to me that its not worth it. Boyfriends will be boyfriends
and friends will be friends.

But the people that stick to you in times of needs are actually
not boyfriends. Its the later.

But I can't help but feel one thing.
Ultimately, he's Gucci and I am target.

Benji

2007-06-08T12:37:00.000+08:00

I want to go shopping.
shit.

Benji

2007-06-03T23:25:00.000+08:00

People tend to put the blame on the world rather
than reflect about their actions before they speak.

Gosh, it's killing me how many stupid people God
is trying to put around me these days. The first
incident happened today when I was out with my
dearest Imran, Ames, Winson and a friend.
I swear I wanna throw away my cellphone.

*snaps fingers* WakeUP Miss Blame-it-on-the-world.

People don't just talk behind your back for no reason.
It's because of the things you have done.
And if you've heard alot of things,
thats cause you didn't only do one thing. You did so
many other things. Ask your actions and ask your
heart.
I can't stop people from what they want to say about you.

I'm respecting you by not naming names here.
Cause I am not you. Get to know Benji.

Benji

2007-05-31T11:43:00.000+08:00

This is for everyone that were with me in my worst
times. I live today because of you all and this.

"Since you been gone, I can breathe for the first time.
I'm so moving on yea yea, thanks to you, now I get,
I get what I want. You had your chance you blew it.
Out of sight, out of mind."

I missed BFF badly.

Benji

2007-05-25T11:55:00.000+08:00

Aye the week has almost come to and end again. I promised
Gary that I'll try to be at Taboo's Beach Party tomorrow.
Things has been happening lately but it's non of my concerns.
People, you better know where you stand cause I ain't helping
much.

I was browsing Trevvy and FUCK I SAW THIS.

Anyone wanna go with meeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Please.
Its on the 9 of June at PLAY. Ever heard all your madonna,
J Lo, Deborah Cox's, Kelly Clarkson's remix? He's coming to
PLAY and spin them. pleaseeeee.

The other one that caught my eye was *drum ROLLS*

Singapore's next TOP AH QUA! Thank god it's at PLAY
instead of some lousy rundown club trying so hard to survive
in that pathetic small location along Tras Street.

Dinner tonight at Marriots, start bring in my high life again.
=)

Benji

2007-05-24T11:33:00.000+08:00

Shopping Spree for me. Bought my white and gold jacket
with a matching black and gold tot bag. o0o0o
HAHA,

next are shoes, clothes and more bags.

I never get enough clothes, bags and shoes. I need more
shopping outings.

Therefore, I pon school with BFF to go shopping =)

Benji

2007-05-22T23:46:00.000+08:00

I'm in desperate need of my secondary school
Principles of Accounts Textbook. FUCK.
Can someone lend me or help me.
aye,

Benji

2007-05-21T15:06:00.000+08:00

After all the fast moving paces in life, I finally managed to
settle down at a place where I could have a piece of mind.
A place where I could just have a drink and rot myself
away. It was nice, just having a friend, having casual random
talks. After being a victim of social pushes, I managed to
get a grip on to myself. People shouldn't be so full of themselves.

It was nice just observing people shopping and all, the different
ways of life. There's always this hidden meaning or reason
that I want to find out about people, yet difficult. Having
to be in town 7 days a week isn't going to help me. But then,
it can be fun at times.

I've changed my hangouts. I can't be there all the time. I'll
just die. Coming back to the point on getting ego up.
People shouldn't be so full of themselves. Cause actually,
they will realize that they're nothing if friends just ditch them.
Get the hint early and not wait till it's too late.

Benji

2007-05-20T13:55:00.000+08:00

Worked till 4ish yesterday at Ang Mo Kio which
was pretty much okays except that I was dealing
with CitiGold customers most of the time.
Got myself back home and slept till 7ish.
(stupid people kept calling my phone causing me
not to get my nice sleep)

Woke up, bathe and rushed to town. Then to PLAY.
PLAY RAWKS. Went over to the bar, then back
to PLAY.

FUCK FULL HOUSE.

Squeezed my way back in. Clubbed like siow.

But PLAY still rawks big time =)

Benji

2007-05-16T23:21:00.000+08:00

I bumped into Grace outside Cineleisure
and she screamed,
"OMFG BENJI you're wearing French Connection.
Thats so gay!"

I looked at her top and replied,
"You're wearing French Connection too."

Besides talking about contradictions,
People don't even know what they put on
themselves when they walk out of the house
these days.

Benji

2007-05-15T11:36:00.001+08:00

I was sitting all alone in the bus today on the way to
school. It was a rough 45 minutes bus ride and I stared
into the open, watching cars drive pass. The sudden
thought just came to me.

After all these things that has come and gone in my
life, I realized that I've came to an understanding in
myself. No, I shan't say what. Having shed tears and
getting my feelings all mixed up till I'm not even
myself, I have no regrets. It's no ones fault.

Its everything that happens in a relationship that
doesn't have substance. And I think I am changing.
shit.

OMG I'M BECOMING MORE TUPPERWARE!

right, I just had to burst that out. School's been a
bore lately but covered with the mahjong and dota
sessions I've been having. I missed people.
Maybe I should start meeting up with them again.

Oh, and I missed the times I had with BFF in Brisbane,
GoldCoast. Next stop. Europe?

Benji

2007-05-14T14:26:00.000+08:00

With the long awaited post coming on blogger, there's always
this burning question on why the Newpaper wanted to write
a 5 page article on GayOkay. Is being gay in Singapore really
that big a deal? With Tantric Bar's photoshot on one of its pages.

Of Cows and Pigs. Mentioned as the title of one of it's pages.
It doesn't mean that when a cow hangs around a pig so much,
it will start to eat like a pig. It's as simple as that. If a guy were
to be straight, no matter how much he hangs around with gay
people, he will still be straight cause thats his inclination.
Which is, he still looks at girl.

With the upcoming star of Tanjong Pagar, PLAY sits comfortably
on the old location of Happy and is attracting the crowds from
Taboo and Whynot. Having declaring Saturday nights PLAY nights,
other clubs like Whynot will have to stand aside. The emptiness of
Whynot is so drastic that I've decided to change my location.

The straights don't get the idea of us. They don't have the right to
write such articles not knowing our point of view. We are who
we are. We don't condemn the straights, and until they can have
a piece of mind and be matured, there's many much more for them
to learn. They can't live a life trying to act as though we don't
exist. Cause, we're here to stay.

Tanjong Pagar on Friday and Saturday nights will be the same.
If they've got anything else to write, how about Friday nights and
Saturday nights at Cineleisure the gay canteen? or Fabulous Sundays
at St James PowerStation?
We have a life to live. And I will not be bothered or put down by
nimrotic comments made.

(Click here for Newpaper article.)

Benji

2007-05-03T09:23:00.001+08:00

I'm missing you
Girl even though you're right here by my side
Cause lately it seems
The distance between us is growing too wide

I'm so afraid that you're saying it's over
The last thing that I wanna hear

But if your heart's not in it for real
Please don't try to fake what you don't feel
If love's already gone
It's not fair to lead me on
Cause I would give the whole world for you
Anything you ask of me I'd do
But I won't ask you to stay
I'd rather walk away
If your heart's not in it

You say that you love me
But baby sometimes
You're just saying the words
If you've got somethin' to tell me
Don't keep it inside
Let it be heard

I'm so afraid that you're saying it's over
Girl I'll make it easy for you

If your heart's not in it for real
Please don't try to fake what you don't feel
If love's already gone
It's not fair to lead me on
Cause I would give the whole world for you
Anything you ask of me I'd do
But I won't ask you to stay
I'd rather walk away
If your heart's not in it

How I wish I could take us back in time
But it's gone too far now we can't rewind (And there's nothing that I can do
,to stop me losin' you)
I can't make you change your mind (If your heart's not in it)

If your heart's not in it for real
Please don't try to fake what you don't feel
But I won't ask you to stay
I'd rather walk away
If your heart's not in it for real
Please don't try to fake what you don't feel
If love's already gone
It's not fair to lead me on
Cause I would give the whole world for you
Anything you ask of me I'd do

2007-04-30T14:52:00.000+08:00

I don't believe in birthday wishes anymore.
Cause the last one I made,
killed me the next day.

Benji

2007-04-29T15:54:00.000+08:00

Please don't let the Sun go down on me. The things that
I've been thinking yesterday when I was supposed to
be celebrating my birthday.
I shan't write the stuffs down cause I know I'll be crying
even more.

Fuck myself, Fuck everything. Esp birthdays.
I have to tell myself that the person in reflection isn't me.

You're his present and I'm his past.

Benji

2007-04-25T23:29:00.001+08:00

School till 5ish today. Down to town after that to
have coffee with Jarett. We all got bitchy in the process.
I feel so liberated yet sulky today. Cause I managed
to hear his voice again after so long.

I wished he wanted to spend more time with me.
It's not that I'm doubting the love you have with me,
but sometimes, I don't need a lie.

All I need is you telling me how much we could
become. Cause I love you.

Is that too difficult? I don't want to be sitting in my
room hiding in solace again. Cause I'll be thinking of
him, my love.

The moon will not leave the sky and I'll not leave
my guy.

Baby, you're everything.

Love,
Benji

2007-04-24T11:17:00.000+08:00

All I want for my birthday is the gorgeous looking
Gucci cap and my boyfriend back with me.

Cause I missed my boyfriend until all the shit in
me is causing harm to my body. Bad nights and
fyp work, dear, I love you.

Benji

*click on the word Gucci to view the peekture of the cap. =)

2007-04-22T00:25:00.000+08:00

I hope that the things that I've heard today are
untrue. But to be safe, I still don't know what
I'll do. aye,

But one things for sure is that Hon, I still
love you. Heaven is hell without you with me.

Take care dear.

Love,
Benji

2007-04-18T22:40:00.000+08:00

To the one person I love,

stand up for life,
stand up for love.

sleep tights darling.

Love,
Benji

2007-04-17T00:09:00.000+08:00

Things have been a bit haywire lately. My mood's swinging
like a yoyo. Well, don't blame me but the fever that I'm having.
Just by looking at the time now and having to stay up blogging.
School's in again which means the year1s are here. Gosh,
there's so many things to do.

I do feel lonely at times. Having to wear the usual mask we all
wear infront of our friends, having to hide the ugliness from
within. Having to put up a strong front to show that outgoingness
when exactly, the person inside is weak and broken.
With so many things running through my mind, I wish I had
spent more time with you. I wished you actually spent more
time with me.

Call me the paranoid bitch but I only get to see the person I
love for awhile. I can't help but love you even more. Which
makes it even harder for me cause I bother too much.
A sentence in Saunders' blog caught my eye which I couldn't
help but agree.
I missed so many things about you.
But why, why do you have to lie.

I read through your sms-es like a bedtime story.
I missed you so much.

Benji

2007-04-15T12:39:00.000+08:00

Your words warm my heart out,
I feel so loved.

But

Your actions spear my heart out,
I feel lost.

I love you darling, but I feel insecure.

But with each sight of you, it makes me
so calm. You mean the world to me.

Benji

2007-04-12T12:43:00.000+08:00

At night, just before I go to bed, I think about you.
In the mornings, I hope just by hook or by crook,
I'll be receiving your text messages. You make me
sleep soundly at night without even waking up once.
Cause I know that you're once there for me.

By the moments together I've spent with you,
It makes myself feel so comfortable. I never felt
better since the lonely days I had and the times I
was away. Cause you've found me in the lowest
time in my life and helped pull me back up.

But I think I'm falling. I'm falling deeper for you.

Benji

2007-04-11T00:54:00.000+08:00

"The moon once said to me, since your lover made you cry,
why don't you leave him".

I looked at the moon and replied,
"Would you leave your sky?"

>.< this sucks.

Benji

2007-04-09T14:09:00.000+08:00

After running away from home for 3 days, I feel the
uptight feeling of doing it again. I don't want to go
home. I want to do the things I want to do without
any restrictions. I want to let my wings soar.

Why do people tell me to cheer up and take care when
knowing, it's not going to help? I'll prolly just nod my
head in agreement but sulk and cry later when no one's
looking. I've got to thank 5 people throughout these 3
days.

No less, it's kenndra and gary. The other 3 are from
tantric. And yes, the person that purposely came to look
for me. It includes you, the one that I'm supposed to
buy ice cream for.

All the people that was with me at the bar, seeing me in
my downiest moments. Crying my fucking eyes out for
someone. Thank you.

Love, Benji

2007-04-03T09:49:00.000+08:00

And then it was back to the normal life of the 9 to 6
job which I had. He's back in camp with the normal
daily routines and I've my own too.

Things are so different. It could be the times in life
and love which I feel insecure with. But with the
touch of love in life, everything seems complete.

I'm no different from the rest of the people who
wants the same feeling. This bond has to be true.
Cause you mean the world to me.

Benji

2007-04-02T12:21:00.000+08:00

Fashionista and my favourite songs blasting from the
speakers of the bar. Being with the one I love. No words
can explain myself =)

Indeed he has to go back to camp, and I shouldn't feel
all so paranoid cause I'm not lah. He has to go back to
camp what. HAHA,

Dear thanks for everything. Love you.

Benji

2007-03-27T08:46:00.000+08:00

The week has been a total mess. Not going down to
the bar, not drinking etc. I've calculated. I've been
in town 20 days in a row. If anyone were to win a
prize, it has to be me.
Everyone's missing somebody. Shan't name names.
There's so many people I want to thank for being
with me the past few days although I was a total
irritant. Andy, Shuhui, Fiona, Calli, Ben, Alvin,
Terence, and of course, Amelia.

Andy who has been there with me the most and
Amelia whose with me, listening to me whine.
Terence who we had coffee together and planning
to pass things to him for me. Sucha Scam. hah!
Finally, I'll get to see him again. And lastly, I'm
really thankful that I got to know Saunders Shen.
=)
I can't wait till this weekend boy, wheee! I'll get
to see the 2 bestfriends in short hair =)
cute.

Benji

2007-03-23T11:31:00.000+08:00

Whats the difference between pleasure and torture.

Pleasure is the feeling when I'm spending time with you and
Torture is the feeling when you're not with me.

Be strong love.

"I'm here without you baby
but you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
and I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
but you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight it's only you and me."

Sweet Dreams love.

Benji

2007-03-22T19:23:00.000+08:00

I was back at the usual place to catch up with the
usuals yesterday at tantric and I got myself all high
with liquor. With the amount of laughters around
them, happily bitching away. I was happy for them,
that they finally count come together, sit around
and chill. I sat there sometimes, just zone-ing
wondering how that someone was doing and all.

I can't help it but think of him. I mean, I'm here,
but you're not. This sucks. Life is so much more than
just getting drunk. It's also about knowing who you
want to cherish. I feel that I have neglected my friends.
Don't stone me for that but I'll try to make it up to
them when school starts.

I was out with Imran and Terence today and I felt
so moody. Could be from the headaches cause by the
amount of liquor I had the previous night at the bar
or that thanks to my sister who had to wake me up
so early in the morning begging me to help her. Or
that I just miss someone so badly.

Don't blame me for feeling this way but I'm tired and
really exhausted I just need him by my side sometimes.

Benji

2007-03-18T22:31:00.000+08:00

Was taking my boy's advice and I went out today.
Met Amelia in town and later Terence.
Went to get the necklaces engraved.

SHHHHH* dear doesn't know. HAHAHA
*sticks tongue*

Went to HMV and bought this.

Yup. Deborah Cox's Remixed CD.

=)

dear called me just now. =/ I missed his voice and
aye, missed him more. I'm still sitting here waiting
for him to get out of camp. *sighs*

Benji

2007-03-16T10:40:00.000+08:00

now that time has ended the times we had together,
I'll have to wait till 14 days before you'll be out with
me again. dear, keep your promises you made to me.
I don't want to struggle through these 2 weeks.

I'll be waiting when you're out. Be brave, stay strong
my love.

Benji

2007-03-15T13:40:00.000+08:00

I'm gonna miss you. It's your last day and I have to see
you in anycase, i dont care if its a changing situation.

I want yesterday night to repeat itself all over again.
Cause baby, I'm shit going to cry.

Benji

2007-03-14T01:16:00.000+08:00

13 March 2007 =)

10205288

Benji

2007-03-11T14:41:00.000+08:00

Everything now is so about last night's fantasy.

Happy people cause we all enjoyed yesterday's over crowded
tantric floor. =)

Benji

2007-03-04T14:21:00.000+08:00

Service Awards Dinner was okays last night. Everyone
looked so pretty and cute. Dressed up to perfection
except for the minority of some people.

3 Cheers to all the service awards winners, rookies,
explorers, top Banking Branch Managers, specialists
and hall of fame winners.

Dinner was so moving with the occasional smoke I
had with my usual ka-kees from MDH. The pretty
girls from MDH rawks. =))

But round two was better than dinner. Zouk.
HAHA, yes. Zouk, velvet and wine bar. The whole
place was basically filled with citibankers from CSQ,
CSD, PWP, MDH, PRG, ESP.

And yes, free entry to citibankers and all. BITCH we
all had a drinking time and I've seen people that I
thought don't club but they do. WTF. I was shocked.

PowerHouse tonight?

Benji

2007-02-28T23:47:00.000+08:00

Just got back from tantric. Gosh, on a week day.
HAH, kinda enjoying a so-called "new life" now
that after quarrels with my parents has brought
myself to this new height that I'll appreciate
myself more than appreciate them.

OMG. Getting a cab from tanjong pagar so fucking
difficult la. I waited outside tantric for 15 minutes.
Crossed over to taboo, walked down to maxwell,
then to PLAY, then back to tantric and still no cab.
No point calling cause every fucking line is engage.

Cheebye, I hate cabdrivers now. Damnn CheeHONG
Might be working tomorrow OH, and it's my Dad's
birthday. I don't want to celebrate it with him. No
point anyways.

Benji

2007-02-26T01:11:00.000+08:00

I know I've not blogged for many days and to all
those that has been constantly reminding me about
the existence of my blog. Thanks.

Hmmm, New Year's here. Festive season un-festive
mood. I don't know why but fret not, I'm not getting
Emo or anything. =)

Just a short summary about what has been going on
so far with me alrights.
I've still been working. Different location now.
Ask me if you want to find out where. Just finished
my shopping with fern, cindy, gary and the rest.
Met up with the usuals.

Gawk it just doesn't change does it? More starbucks-ing.
Quarreled with the bitch again. Not really talking to
her. Wasting time.
Let you'all know whens the next time I'll be clubbing
again then. HAH.

Benji

2007-02-20T14:39:00.000+08:00

This is the retake of my life
I was his star for many nights
now the role has changed
and your the leading lady in his life.
Lights, Cameras, on you're on.
Just remember you've been warned
Enjoy it now
Cause it won't last.

Same Script, Different Cast.

2007-02-12T23:16:00.000+08:00

Tantric was awesome. Music's getting better and better.
Crowds getting better to a certain point only. HAH. Still
too many hybrids in there.

Picture's at Cindy's blog and BenjiOMG puked. Crapper.
SO ee-yer lor. WEAK. Still can tell me that his alcohol
level VERY HIGH leh. neineipok. siow lor, nobody puke
only he 1 person lie outside tantric and merlion. -.-
THANKS LEH.

When back to whynot. OMG, the crowd is "-.-lll"
No words can explain.

ANyways, I'm off tomorrow. So call me okays! =)

Benji